I pause time and escape.

 

You get stuck in a time paradox

>pervent the paradox

I prevent the paradox by preventing the paradox.

 

You are now at home when you find that your wife is bleeding on the floor, dead.

 

>find out what happened

You discover that the criminal who stole your car is your wife.

 

>panic

While panicing, You recieve a phone call

 

>Answer the phone

"Hello, this is bill. Just wanted to let you know elle is back. And shes coming for you. --"

 

>prepare martial-arts

 

then you realize the mistake they made the first time around. This time when she busts into you home, you smack her cover the head with a club. 

 

You then take her and put her in a cast-iron coffin, and bury her 12 feet under. She is not getting out now. 

 

You return home and find that your wife was actually practicing for an audition she wants to do for a new TV show starting soon. 

 

>kick back, relax, and enjoy the salmon

The salmon was tasteless, you were not relaxed at all because you kicked backed too much and shattered a million dollar item, and now your wife is yelling at you.

 

>replace the million dollar item.

you go out to every vending machine in the area and proceed to buy all of the canned soda you can.

 

Two options:

 

>Drink all the soda

 

>give it to charity

You give it to charity, and feel content. In fact so content that..

>Boast to the world i'm the most charitable person ever.