But it was on the beach and i was still wearing goggles.

A satellite is crashing and is now 10 centimeters above the next user's head

I get within a 10 metre radius of it by running really fast.

The next user is sentenced to death with no means of escape.

@daninja265 (View Post)

 I'm sentenced to death by natural/random means.

The next user is born

I find a wizard, and he extends my life forever, therefore I cannot die at any point after being born.

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I make every cell in the next user's body cancerous.

But I Was thousands of years in the future and people are cured of cancer on a daily basis.

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The Next user is put into a potato.

Chell puts me back into my body at the end of Portal 2.

The next user is under attack by Chuck Norris

But I had previously hired Chuck Norris to defend me, and he ended up fighting himself (winning, of course).

The next user is launched into space with no space suit or oxygen.

But I do not require oxygen to survive, but i drift endlessly anyway D=

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the next user has been biologically engineered to be the biggest moron in all of history.

Morons make money, and I use the money to make myself less moron-ish-leuhhhh I cant think of an adjective suffix but ohwell

The next user is under attack by travelocity gnomes in the bare open, cannot run, cannot hide, no armor