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2020-12-27 01:56:43
Wocl
The Story of How Joe Beef Got His Cool Satin Pants
Chapter 1: The Apparition
It was a rather strange day that day, for when Joe Beef was having trouble sleeping; he saw the mirage before Him of the Holy Satin Pants: Paul Duffy IV. At the time they were unnamed to Joe Beef. Floating there like they wanted something, like they wanted to be on the very legs of Joe Beef. But as Joe was ready to accept his fate and take the pants, they disappeared, and on the floor was a note. Upon the wooden floor (this was before rugs were invented), was the cuneiform script etched with fire, it hath read, I am the very satin attire thou seeketh in thy wandering dreams. Dost thou not heareth the bells of Saint Be Gas?
Joe stood to hear the bells… silence. But after a while of staring, the bells could be heard. They played the holy tune in the ancient tongue of Gildan, a song known as Dow Nut Le Ti Se Duh Gies Owt. And so, Joe Beef slipped on his Holy Scooby-Doo slippers and went out in the dead of night. Walking to the Church of Saint Be Gas the fog was thick, and His lantern could barely penetrate more than a few feet. And so He relied on His godly intuitive senses to navigate His way to the Church. After what felt like 40 minutes of walking Joe felt the cold, stinging touch of the Finger… Joe swiftly looked down and for less than a second could see the apparition of Holy Saint Giovanni Giorgio Giordano with his notable Finger inside of Joe's dreadful belly button. This was a sign, for Joe was experienced at psychoanalysis. In Joe's deep memory he recited the text he read from a book called Deadly Apparitions and Analysis, by Martha Hams and Witch. The text read thus: Apparition 11:15. The Cold Finger. Description: usually experienced by the victim at around 4:30 AM when walking alone, most victims note unnaturally thick fog. The victim may be going through a period of unrest involving nightmares about small frogs, and satin pants. Each and every victim I interviewed said they were wearing Scooby-Doo slippers. The apparition consists of the Saint Giovanni Giorgio Giordano penetrating the victim's bellybutton with his notable Finger, (not to be confused with his notable Nose).
Analysis: with the victim's constant dreams about small frogs and satin pants I think this represents inexperience with normal pants as a child, and usually wearing the Bible for pants because of over religious parents. Each victim I interviewed had the same experience. Next, each victim wore Scooby-Doo slippers. Clearly, this represents the victim's inability to let–go of their childhood. Lastly the apparition itself, the culmination. It is very well known that Saint Giovanni enjoyed wearing Scooby-Doo slippers as a child, it also just so happens to be known that he often wore satin pants, and ate small frogs. As to the meaning of belly button penetration; for years of research I could never figure out why he penetrated the victim's belly button, until after I read the book documenting well known folktales about Saint Giovanni.
And… especially… his notable Finger.
One of the stories, which proved to be a revelation for me, completely gave away the meaning of this apparition. An excerpt from the story reads: "Saint Giovanni certainly likes to poke around little Sally's bellybutton with his notable Finger." Then it all dawned on me. In the book, "little Sally" was what Saint Giovanni called his famous Scooby-Doo slippers, and his notable Finger is, as we all know, what he called his rotting toenail.
And thus: the apparition represents the need for satin pants because the Scooby-Doo slippers are missing the small frogs. Or more directly, the need for religion (satin pants) because childhood (Scooby-Doo slippers) was bad (small frogs).
I had never known an apparition that goes this deep, and I am forever grateful to be a psychologist.
After Joe had recited the passage he realized he didn't have to recite the entire passage. But now Joe knows why he must acquire the satin pants: because he had a bad childhood. And he will by-all-means get those darn pants for nothing has meaning.
Chapter 1: The Apparition
It was a rather strange day that day, for when Joe Beef was having trouble sleeping; he saw the mirage before Him of the Holy Satin Pants: Paul Duffy IV. At the time they were unnamed to Joe Beef. Floating there like they wanted something, like they wanted to be on the very legs of Joe Beef. But as Joe was ready to accept his fate and take the pants, they disappeared, and on the floor was a note. Upon the wooden floor (this was before rugs were invented), was the cuneiform script etched with fire, it hath read, I am the very satin attire thou seeketh in thy wandering dreams. Dost thou not heareth the bells of Saint Be Gas?
Joe stood to hear the bells… silence. But after a while of staring, the bells could be heard. They played the holy tune in the ancient tongue of Gildan, a song known as Dow Nut Le Ti Se Duh Gies Owt. And so, Joe Beef slipped on his Holy Scooby-Doo slippers and went out in the dead of night. Walking to the Church of Saint Be Gas the fog was thick, and His lantern could barely penetrate more than a few feet. And so He relied on His godly intuitive senses to navigate His way to the Church. After what felt like 40 minutes of walking Joe felt the cold, stinging touch of the Finger… Joe swiftly looked down and for less than a second could see the apparition of Holy Saint Giovanni Giorgio Giordano with his notable Finger inside of Joe's dreadful belly button. This was a sign, for Joe was experienced at psychoanalysis. In Joe's deep memory he recited the text he read from a book called Deadly Apparitions and Analysis, by Martha Hams and Witch. The text read thus: Apparition 11:15. The Cold Finger. Description: usually experienced by the victim at around 4:30 AM when walking alone, most victims note unnaturally thick fog. The victim may be going through a period of unrest involving nightmares about small frogs, and satin pants. Each and every victim I interviewed said they were wearing Scooby-Doo slippers. The apparition consists of the Saint Giovanni Giorgio Giordano penetrating the victim's bellybutton with his notable Finger, (not to be confused with his notable Nose).
Analysis: with the victim's constant dreams about small frogs and satin pants I think this represents inexperience with normal pants as a child, and usually wearing the Bible for pants because of over religious parents. Each victim I interviewed had the same experience. Next, each victim wore Scooby-Doo slippers. Clearly, this represents the victim's inability to let–go of their childhood. Lastly the apparition itself, the culmination. It is very well known that Saint Giovanni enjoyed wearing Scooby-Doo slippers as a child, it also just so happens to be known that he often wore satin pants, and ate small frogs. As to the meaning of belly button penetration; for years of research I could never figure out why he penetrated the victim's belly button, until after I read the book documenting well known folktales about Saint Giovanni.
And… especially… his notable Finger.
One of the stories, which proved to be a revelation for me, completely gave away the meaning of this apparition. An excerpt from the story reads: "Saint Giovanni certainly likes to poke around little Sally's bellybutton with his notable Finger." Then it all dawned on me. In the book, "little Sally" was what Saint Giovanni called his famous Scooby-Doo slippers, and his notable Finger is, as we all know, what he called his rotting toenail.
And thus: the apparition represents the need for satin pants because the Scooby-Doo slippers are missing the small frogs. Or more directly, the need for religion (satin pants) because childhood (Scooby-Doo slippers) was bad (small frogs).
I had never known an apparition that goes this deep, and I am forever grateful to be a psychologist.
After Joe had recited the passage he realized he didn't have to recite the entire passage. But now Joe knows why he must acquire the satin pants: because he had a bad childhood. And he will by-all-means get those darn pants for nothing has meaning.
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